So this might be harder than I thought.

I have spent the past several days in my studio trying desperately to work myself out of this funk. Nothing seems to be working. I thought by publicly posting my intentions for daily painting I would feel accountable somehow. And that accountability would provide the motivation to force me just start making again.

Instead I just bumbled around the studio, starting then restarting. Scraping paintings off and (re)starting again. I can't begin to count the number of times I looked towards Sophie's bed or reached down to pet her. It's just so difficult to focus.

So rather than sit inside and stare at her empty bed, I decided to drag all my supplies outside and try to paint the hydrangeas I planted for her.

I'm not usually a "floral painting" kind of artist but it's still too hard to look at her pictures for any length of time. So this seemed like the best way to commemorate and be close to her. I'm sure I will eventually want to paint her likeness again but for now the flowers are a suitable stand-in.

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